Dirty water

Week 3. My loss of momentum and motivation has crept up on me. Just like everything else in life, certain things lose interest for no apparent reason. Colors are bland. Happiness isn't normal. Food doesn't taste as good. I look forward to rest days more than the climbing.
I struggle with small waves of depression that come in and out every few months. As hard as I'm trying to fight it, the tide has risen. I recognize what I can't control, and I accept it. It's unbearably frustrating that this is happening on the most incredible climbing trip ever.
I now dread when it's my turn to lead, but still enjoy it when I do. Normally I am begging for every pitch.
I'm mentally and physically stronger than I have ever been, and force myself to go climbing day after day so I don't lose what I've worked so hard to gain. I've got plans to climb lower and higher cathedral spire with this australian guy Juliani. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know it's something I need to do.

I am still psyched on NIAD (nose in a day) and climbing salathe on el cap. Maybe getting on a wall will help. I hope so.

I've climbed through this crux before, and I'll do it again; but this time I know it will be harder.

anonymous photo