I have fallen in love with the freedom that I experience through the rocks I climb.
As I stumble deeper into my depression and anxiety, some of my most joyful thoughts are of the intense freedom of climbing walls. The days I spent climbing el cap, and the hours I spent day dreaming walking around the base of el cap.
I'm trying to figure out how to get through all of this. It's drastically effecting my climbing. That's not what is important to me right now though.
As life gets longer, awful feels softer.
Well it feels pretty soft to me.
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
then I feel pretty blissfully.
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
The View - Modest Mouse
Maybe someday I'll be able to explain what I go through when I climb. It has never been about getting to the top, it's about how I'm changed getting there.