The Barb, Spearhead, RMNP

After bailing on Colin's idea of pervertical sanctuary on the diamond, I finally agreed to climb in the park. I was (mostly) psyched! 

*Colin attempted pervertical two days in a row and I'm got pretty damn close to sending

2 a.m. saturday morning I get a call from Colin or Will (I can't remember) to make sure that I was up and ready to go. Because of long approaches and high risks of storms, you have to get an alpine start and get hiking early. We started the 5 mile approach around 3 a.m. This would double the amount of hiking I've ever done in a day haha. The most I had ever done was 4 miles. I just don't like hiking. It feels sort of like homework. 

The hike went easily. I sort of went into zombie mode because I was so tired and zoned out for most of it. We got there before the sun hit the rock. We had to wait around for over an hour for the sun to come up because it was too cold too climb. Will and Colin spooned, I sheepishly denied and did jumping jacks and pull ups instead. 

We were climbing as a party of 3, will has a set of double ropes so the second and third climber easily climbed simultaneously while the leader belayed with an atc guide. I've never really climbed as a party of three, it inspired more jokes and belaying wasn't as lonely. I think it would be really fun to do a big wall with 3 people. I think it would be a nice dynamic. Especially if it was Colin, Will, and I. Colin and I already climb very well together. Will has never done any wall stuff, but because of his guiding and overall climbing experience I he would do very well. 

Colin quickly leading

Will on the summit

Wow, what an incredible climb. Virgin alpine granite. The climbing wasn't too difficult, 5.10b or c I think. The slabby crux held me up a little bit. I was wearing my big comfy shoes and that didn't help. 

This place is insanely beautiful. Black lake offered a few really cool bivy spots. Backpacking up there would be awesome. 

I am still in the mental struggle that I have been dealing with since I got back from the valley. My confidence is still gone, I'm extremely timid, and just not psyched. I only led one out of the 7 or 8 pitches. It was an easy one that got us on the summit. I'm mad at myself for not wanting to lead the harder stuff. The other two guys were psyched, so they got to do it.

Along with missing out on climbing the diamond, Will and Colin went to the black canyon and sent the scenic cruise. I was asked to go also, but I just wasn't psyched. I'm so bummed about it :/

I'm making small steps towards getting better. They may seem insignificant, but at this point, everything good that happens is a big deal to me. I soloed the first flatiron and kept a good head the whole time. I lead werk supp (5.9+) and the first pitch of tagger (5.9+) in eldo the other day and felt pretty alright.
I have also started seeing a psych. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. This has been the biggest struggle I have experienced.

Tomorrow, I will try and feel better than I did today.