I feel it..

It's slowly coming ok?? Just chill out, I'll be back before you know it.

This is me talking to.. whoever actually reads this thing....

(and myself)

Dead desire.

Yea ok so.. I'm burnt out. I'm going to take a couple weeks off of climbing. Yea, this sucks. No mountain project, no campus board training, big wall diagrams, no girls (psyche!). I don't know what else to do to besides stepping back.. I have been trying to push through my lack of motivation, running laps top rope soloing, training on my campus board, endurance training.. It's not working. I'm very worried about loosing what I have gained this summer by not climbing. I've realized that you can't really 'loose' experience. Being psyched and determined has more power than the muscle I have..

My desire is dead, or hopefully just dormant.

I'm actually into other things also, not just climbing. I'm going to start playing/writing music with my brother Jordan more. I really miss it. Hopefully a sweet fixie will pop up on craig's list also so I can start riding again (I just sold mine, it was a little too small).

OUT!

Back in CO

It feels good to be back. Not quite as good as waking up every morning in the ditch, but still great. My first day climbing in CO was spent at the little eiger in clear creek canyon, Golden. They call that rock 'granite'. Sort of a joke.. when compared to what I have been living on. My first sport climbing in 6 months (okay maybe not that long). I still have my trad head on.. and really REALLY don't want to fall.. even though my last bolt is at my waist, the bolt before that is at my knees, and the bolt before that is at my feet. It was nice to spend a day climbing something that wasn't so serious.. we could retreat back to the car on a moments notice. 

The next day we went climbing at this place called Ra, in empire. I went with Mike, Chris, and two other ladies.. I don't remember their names. Chris and I had planned on climbing this 4 pitch 5.12b called windows of the world, or WOW. 

I'm still hung over from the exposure, the height, the scariness, the seriousness, the.... whatever.. I'm just not recovered mentally. So I let Chris lead every pitch. I followed every pitch, and was scared... yea.. I wasn't even leading and I was scared. That's how I know I'm not back to normal. He hung and yarded on every single shiny bolt. I got up the first 3 pitches without pulling on any draws, and only falling a few times. I had the most trouble on the 12b second pitch, I couldn't figure out one of the moves and fell several times. When we got to pitch 4 I was a baby and pulled on the second and third draw.... I'm mad at myself for doing that. 

Chris and I on WOW